Dear FIRST_NAME LAST_NAME - Information? Weak!

Here's an email I received, apparently as part of a marketing campaign managed by folks who don't really care.

I'm tempted to write back.

Dear %%LAME_MARKETING_MANAGER%%,

While I always enjoy a good cup of %%BEVERAGE_BRAND%%, your email campaign has left me somwhat less than enthusiastic. 

Are you sure %%FEATURED_SPEAKER_ONE%% and %%FEATURED_SPEAKER_TWO%% will actually show up?  After all, they may be using a better %%MAIL_MERGE_PROGRAM%% than you (it could hardly be worse), and may have a different %%EVENT_DATE%% in mind.

Anyway, thanks for the %%GIFT_CARD_TYPE%% offer, and good luck to the first %%WINNER_COUNT%% people.  I hope they actually get some beneift.

Sincerely,
%%FIRST_NAME%% %%LAST_NAME%%